Having lost someone who has been my life companion is really an experience hard to describe. Now I understand why some who have lost love ones resort to end their lives. However believing in the existence of God helps one to let go and believe that the person who has departed this world has gone to a better place where there is no more tears of sorrow. Focusing on this belief is a tremendous relief to know that our love ones is now enjoying eternity without end. However it is not easy though to forget specially when certain events, incidence keep on reminding me of the past when my husband was around.
Then there are things around the house that need to be done and I had no one to depend on anymore. That's the time when tears begin to fall but then I have to learn what to do. As time goes on I learned to move on and that life has to go on. If before I used to be scared of death, now my fear of death had gone. When death will come knocking at my door I would be able to face it without fear.
Meanwhile I have to go on with my life focusing on what is important.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Losing Someone Special in your life
I don't want to go in length of my husband's sickness but rather to express how much his death affected me. I can now understand how one really feels when someone he or she loves is taken away. But for the grace of God and the belief in Him, one can easily fall into deep depression. I too was unable to discribe the feeling of that final seperation . However my faith in God helped me to cope with my deep sorrow. However when the doctor attending him told us that he was going anytime I requested for some of our church members to pray the "Divine Mercy Prayer'. As we were praying I was watching his face. He looked calm and and peaceful. As soon as the prayers was over he breathed his last without any struggle. My last words to him were, "Go in the peace of the Lord. Follow the Light. I love you."
I used to be frighten of death but after seeing a loved one die, my fear of death was gone. Something in me has changed. From that day onward my thought and prayers were on him. However life has to go on and one day I too will face the same destiny. As for now, in spite of how I feel, I will continue on my journey in life learning from past experience until the last call. Meanwhile I promise myself to do whatever good I can to help others find meaning in their lives.
I used to be frighten of death but after seeing a loved one die, my fear of death was gone. Something in me has changed. From that day onward my thought and prayers were on him. However life has to go on and one day I too will face the same destiny. As for now, in spite of how I feel, I will continue on my journey in life learning from past experience until the last call. Meanwhile I promise myself to do whatever good I can to help others find meaning in their lives.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
THE SADDEST EVENT IN MY LIFE
When I started writing on this blog it was with some enthusiasm.
However after posting a few articles somehow I lost interest. My mind seemed to be blank. Moreover something happened in my life which really saddened me. It was the passing away of my husband. To me it seemed so sudden. In April 2009 he went for treatment and was found out that he was suffering from cancer which had spread to the bones. You can imagine how he must have felt. I felt so sad for him. There was no word to describe really how I felt. However I tried not to show it for his sake.
However the morning we were supposed to go he told me of his dream.
He said that in his dream he died. When I heard that my heart seemed to jump but I calmed down and said to him, "usually it is just the opposite"
but something seemed not right the way I felt.
Moreover I knocked a perfume bottle which I bought in Egypt as a souvenier. Then when I went to the bathroom, I knocked down a glass which also broke. I am not a superstitious person but somehow I felt uneasy. I tried my very best not to show my anxiety. I said a prayer for our safe journey. We reached our distination which was Kota Kinabalu safely. A day before we went to Kota Kinabalu, he was working long hours at the computer preparing his lesson notes. He told me that he would not have time to prepare his lessons when he came back. I remember telling him not to be worried too much about his work but to take care of his health first. Being a dedicated teacher, he would not want to go into the class unprepared. I even told him that it was time for him to rest and not to work in his condition. But somehow he enjoyed his job as a teacher.
The next morning we took the ferry and then travelled by bus to Kota Kinabalu. To this day my regret was why we did not travel by plane when he was in such a condition. I never knew his sickness was so serious neither was he aware of it until we saw a specialist in Kota Kinabalu.
However after posting a few articles somehow I lost interest. My mind seemed to be blank. Moreover something happened in my life which really saddened me. It was the passing away of my husband. To me it seemed so sudden. In April 2009 he went for treatment and was found out that he was suffering from cancer which had spread to the bones. You can imagine how he must have felt. I felt so sad for him. There was no word to describe really how I felt. However I tried not to show it for his sake.
However the morning we were supposed to go he told me of his dream.
He said that in his dream he died. When I heard that my heart seemed to jump but I calmed down and said to him, "usually it is just the opposite"
but something seemed not right the way I felt.
Moreover I knocked a perfume bottle which I bought in Egypt as a souvenier. Then when I went to the bathroom, I knocked down a glass which also broke. I am not a superstitious person but somehow I felt uneasy. I tried my very best not to show my anxiety. I said a prayer for our safe journey. We reached our distination which was Kota Kinabalu safely. A day before we went to Kota Kinabalu, he was working long hours at the computer preparing his lesson notes. He told me that he would not have time to prepare his lessons when he came back. I remember telling him not to be worried too much about his work but to take care of his health first. Being a dedicated teacher, he would not want to go into the class unprepared. I even told him that it was time for him to rest and not to work in his condition. But somehow he enjoyed his job as a teacher.
The next morning we took the ferry and then travelled by bus to Kota Kinabalu. To this day my regret was why we did not travel by plane when he was in such a condition. I never knew his sickness was so serious neither was he aware of it until we saw a specialist in Kota Kinabalu.
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