Wednesday, April 21, 2010


Having lost someone who has been my life companion is really an experience hard to describe. Now I understand why some who have lost love ones resort to end their lives. However believing in the existence of God helps one to let go and believe that the person who has departed this world has gone to a better place where there is no more tears of sorrow. Focusing on this belief is a tremendous relief to know that our love ones is now enjoying eternity without end. However it is not easy though to forget specially when certain events, incidence keep on reminding me of the past when my husband was around.
Then there are things around the house that need to be done and I had no one to depend on anymore. That's the time when tears begin to fall but then I have to learn what to do. As time goes on I learned to move on and that life has to go on. If before I used to be scared of death, now my fear of death had gone. When death will come knocking at my door I would be able to face it without fear.
Meanwhile I have to go on with my life focusing on what is important.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Losing Someone Special in your life

I don't want to go in length of my husband's sickness but rather to express how much his death affected me. I can now understand how one really feels when someone he or she loves is taken away. But for the grace of God and the belief in Him, one can easily fall into deep depression. I too was unable to discribe the feeling of that final seperation . However my faith in God helped me to cope with my deep sorrow. However when the doctor attending him told us that he was going anytime I requested for some of our church members to pray the "Divine Mercy Prayer'. As we were praying I was watching his face. He looked calm and and peaceful. As soon as the prayers was over he breathed his last without any struggle. My last words to him were, "Go in the peace of the Lord. Follow the Light. I love you."
I used to be frighten of death but after seeing a loved one die, my fear of death was gone. Something in me has changed. From that day onward my thought and prayers were on him. However life has to go on and one day I too will face the same destiny. As for now, in spite of how I feel, I will continue on my journey in life learning from past experience until the last call. Meanwhile I promise myself to do whatever good I can to help others find meaning in their lives.

Sunday, April 11, 2010


When I started writing on this blog it was with some enthusiasm.
However after posting a few articles somehow I lost interest. My mind seemed to be blank. Moreover something happened in my life which really saddened me. It was the passing away of my husband. To me it seemed so sudden. In April 2009 he went for treatment and was found out that he was suffering from cancer which had spread to the bones. You can imagine how he must have felt. I felt so sad for him. There was no word to describe really how I felt. However I tried not to show it for his sake.
However the morning we were supposed to go he told me of his dream.
He said that in his dream he died. When I heard that my heart seemed to jump but I calmed down and said to him, "usually it is just the opposite"
but something seemed not right the way I felt.
Moreover I knocked a perfume bottle which I bought in Egypt as a souvenier. Then when I went to the bathroom, I knocked down a glass which also broke. I am not a superstitious person but somehow I felt uneasy. I tried my very best not to show my anxiety. I said a prayer for our safe journey. We reached our distination which was Kota Kinabalu safely. A day before we went to Kota Kinabalu, he was working long hours at the computer preparing his lesson notes. He told me that he would not have time to prepare his lessons when he came back. I remember telling him not to be worried too much about his work but to take care of his health first. Being a dedicated teacher, he would not want to go into the class unprepared. I even told him that it was time for him to rest and not to work in his condition. But somehow he enjoyed his job as a teacher.
The next morning we took the ferry and then travelled by bus to Kota Kinabalu. To this day my regret was why we did not travel by plane when he was in such a condition. I never knew his sickness was so serious neither was he aware of it until we saw a specialist in Kota Kinabalu.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


'Whatever you eat, whatever you drink, whatever you do at all, do it for the glory of God' (Cor. 10:31)
The above was taken from last Sunday's reading. When I heard it being proclaimed it gave me a little jolt. I began to reflect on its message . Why was I feeling uncomfortable? I questioned myself, 'Have I ever thought of doing things for the glory of God or for my own glory???????? I came up with many question marks. Of course I know the answer but...........Anyway His words certainly pierced my heart to the core and it was up to me to make the choice. "Yes Lord, I hear you and from now on I will try and keep on trying but I need your strength to carry on"

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


After about forty years of teaching life I really looked forward to retirement. So here I am, free from all the burdens of a hectic working life. Some friends remarked that I would be bored doing nothing. Why should I be doing nothing? Being retired from work doesn't mean I would sit down and do nothing. I think that would make our exit from this even faster. No 'Boring' is not in my vocabulary. So far life has always been interesting for me whether I am working or now being a retiree. Now I can have time to meet with friends, go outing and pick up the hobbies that I enjoy like reading, listening to music, join the line dancing club or go for a walk to keep myself fit.
Getting involved in Church activities keep me spiritually healthy and I believe is very important preparation for the end as nobody knows when it will come. So I would always start the day with my quiet time with the Lord and end the day thanking Him for everything that happen during the day. This has always been a source of strength and help for me. Now I can afford to spend more time in this solitude and how thankful I am that I don't have to rush here and there. I may not be earning but I am reaping a harvest filled with the goodness of the Lord.

So to all my friends who have retired I wish you the best.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

My Remedy to stop my hair from falling

Some time ago I was worried that I would eventually end up bald headed. The reason was that each time I washed my hair a lot would fall off. My scalp was also very itchy. I thought it was the shampoo. So I bought whatever was recommended to me. My hair still kept on falling . I concluded maybe its part of growing old.  Part of my hair was turning grey anyway. Then somebody told me to try the henna leaves locally known as 'daun inai'. So I went in search of this plant. One of my friends actually had this plant in her garden. I asked for the leaves and also learned how to prepare it.

Here it is how I prepare it.

What you need are the following:

 Henna leaves (pluck fresh from the plant. )
 Aloe vera  leaf (use half only)
 2 Lemon /or lime 


1. Put in the henna leaves into a blender.
2. Chop the aloe vera into small pieces and put into the  blender together with the 
     henna leaves.
3. Add the lemon juice and some water just enough to make a thick mixture. (If it is      too watery it would be difficult to put on the hair. It will be very messy)
4. Blender the whole mixture until well blended to make a paste.
5. It is now ready to use. 
6. Leave it on the head for two or three hours. Cover with  a towel to make sure the 
     mixture stays on your head. 
7. After that wash your hair  and blow it dry.

The above did  not only  stop my hair from falling but also gave my hair a beautiful brown colour. If however the hair is black the colour may not show. So the above can  also also be used to dye  hair.  It doesn't cost much and you can do it at home at your own leisure.

The above remedy works for me but I cannot guarantee that it will do the same for you. Anyway no harm trying. But if you have grey hair it will give your hair a beautiful brown  colour.

Have a good try!

Saturday, January 10, 2009

My style of making 'Hinava"

'Hinava' is a local dish of Sabah. It is made of raw fish and taken as an appetizer. Last Christmas I introduced it to my son's in laws in K.L. and they loved it. That was the first time they tasted it . So I just wish to share with you how I prepared it.


1/2 ikan tenggeri which must be fresh
garlic according to taste (for me I like to put a lot)
small red onions
1 piece of ginger
10 limes (more or less)
2 red chillies (optional)
5 - 10 limes


Slice the fish int0 halves. Make sure to clean the fish properly. Scrape the flesh out with a spoon. Put it aside in a bowl. Clean the garlic, onions and ginger and chop them into small pieces. Smash the garlic first before chopping. Slice the lime lenghtwise so that the juice can be squeezed easily.
Add the lime juice onto the scrapped fish a little at a time until the fish turns pale. Put in the other ingredients and mix well. Put in salt to taste. (The limes will cook the fish so make sure you put enough until you do not see any red colour) Don't forget to put some salt and if you like sprinkle a dash of pepper to the dish.

Have a good try.